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"Analogies, it is true, decide nothing, but they can make one feel more at home."
- Sigmund Freud



drawing by my son, Whitaker Reid, Fourth Grade

It's that time of year. The time of year when every teacher across the state hands the standardized tests to their students and just crosses their fingers that some-how,way or where their students were listening throughout the previous 9 months. Now, I've learned that analogies have found their way into said testing. I don't remember being tested on analogies - if I had been, I would have loved it. These little word puzzles are the way I do my communicating about 85% of the time. It's hard to get through a conversation with me without being subjected to at least one, "It's like..." It's the only way I know to make sense of situations. Freud's right - it doesn't really solve anything, but it sure makes the conversation feel like home. It's kind of like...oh well, nevermind. Below, you'll find some winners from a Washington Post humor contest of a decade ago...enjoy.


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.